Part of my study of feminism and love relationships was to look at how others felt about the topic. I wanted to find out what the non-academic writes about when feminism and love coincide, as well as what the academic says. This blog will focus specifically on the non-academic, or at least, of people who do not study feminism.
I stumbled upon a website as I was googling "Feminism and Relationship." The heading for the specific page of the relationship is "How Feminism Hurt Our Love Lives." I was immediately intrigued. It is written by a woman. She starts off by using the past tense when speaking of feminism, but quickly corrects herself, only in parentheses. She explains how she feels indebted to feminism because it has allowed her to have the career that she does but than a paragraph later explains that it has ruined her love life:
I think the whole feminist movement is a bit of a misnomer anyway -- feminism didn’t liberate femininity. Feminism liberated masculine energy in women. It was a masculinist movement. This is a good thing. Because of masculism, er, I mean feminism, we can now procure income in the male dominated marketplace and buy ourselves any kind of life we want. Those of us who aren’t completely fulfilled baking cookies can now choose to fly jets, put out fires, or handcuff bad guys. We can also look for a cure for cancer, design computer programs, and sink basketballs, if those things suit our fancy.
-Wendy L. Walsh, http://www.theboyfriendtest.com/feminism.html
The paragraph above both praises feminism and makes an embarrassment out of it. The fact that she calls feminism, a "masculinist" movement is an embarrassment to feminism. It is a shame to the entire movement. As a feminist who is in a committed relationship, I know that feminism has not ruined my love life but made me more aware of the kind of partner I want in a relationship, as well as the kind of person I want to be in a relationship. I disagree with her article wholeheartedly. She adds that: "Finally, feminism did a disservice to many women who weren’t (and aren’t) unhappy with traditional gender role." This is another issue I have with her article. Feminism does not tell women to do anything they do not want to do. Feminism just allows women the option to say 'no' to things that they didn't want to do in the first place, to things they felt was an obligation to a man, and so on.
Walsh feels, also, that because we are so afraid of looking submissive that we have forgotten how to be supportive. This is another aspect of her article that is untrue and only reflective of her singular opinion. She bashes feminist mothers for not teaching women to be loving and nurturing. She should be ashamed of herself. Her article is full explains that you can call yourself anything you want, even a feminist, but that does not mean you have to follow it.
Another article I found online pertaining to love and feminism talks about how men are scared of successful women. It is entitled "How Misguided Feminism Prevents Relationships." She concludes her article by saying:
How can these common sense insights have been lost? The only answer I can come up with is that misguided feminism has taught a generation of women that men are opponents and not allies. This insight makes me tremendously sad.
--Pelle Billing, http://www.pellebilling.com/2010/05/how-misguided-feminism-prevents-relationships/
The fact that she feels like the feminism many women have been following is misguided scares me a little. Feminism is open to everyone and it takes on many different forms. I do not believe that feminism has taught women to view men as opponents. The feminism I have learned has taught us equality and respect for all people, of all genders. My feminism involves working alongside men to advance feminism. Never have I ever thought of men as 'the enemy' and many of the women that I study alongside I believe would say the same thing.
She is right to say that men and women look for different things in relationships, but many of the basic, most important things are the same. Even for feminists! Just because I am a feminist doesn't mean that I don't want someone loving and compassionate to come home to every night, just because I am a feminist does not mean that I do not want or need to be taken care of some of the time. I think her article, not feminism itself, is misguided.
Lastly, the third article I found from non-academic sources regarding feminism and love relationships was from the Science Daily website. The writer starts the article off by saying:
Contrary to popular opinion, feminism and romance are not incompatible and feminism may actually improve the quality of heterosexual relationships.
--http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/10/071015102856.htm
This was refreshing to read. Although the article references an academic study, I am still including it under the non-academic heading because I am not speaking of the study itself. According to the article and the study, feminists tend to have better love relationships. This reflects my beliefs. She even says that men who have feminist partners, have more stable relationships and better sex! This is an incredibly positive example of feminist relationships and one, I will be honest, I did not expect to find, especially after the first two articles. Being a feminist does not make you incapable of being in a love relationship, considering the article found that more heterosexual feminist women were in relationships than heterosexual non-identified feminist women. Those are pretty good odds to me! This article sums up my understanding of how you can exists as a feminist while being in a love relationship!
Sources
http://www.theboyfriendtest.com/feminism.html
http://www.pellebilling.com/2010/05/how-misguided-feminism-prevents-relationships/
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/10/071015102856.htm
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